Saturday, 7 June 2014

To the one.

You never truly know what you have until it gets taken away from you.
She is every word I put to paper and every thought that ends with a full stop.
She deserves the best and the best was never close to me.
26 years of figuring out where I belong and what to achieve just to sit here 7 years behind the rest.
My heart is hers but what can she do with such a disposable thing?
Full of words and promises but lacking in actions and tangible love and feelings.
I’m sitting here as a broken man once again.
Always hoped to be the one that could save you from yourself.
To be there when the pillars cave in to keep this rickety bridge from collapsing .
But I never was there.
I was too caught up in the trivialities of my own life to stand back
And realize that this was the time you needed me most.
How could I ever move on from the person that could have saved me from me?
But the problem was that she needed saving first and I was the furthest thing away from being a hero.
I stood back and looked at my own life without making a move.
Watching her drifting further and further away,
I lie awake at night wondering what could have been.
And all that comes to mind, even though I dislike this phrase immensely, is that she is all I ever wanted and more.
But it takes more than just saying that to prove it.
I am a miserable person.
And this is all brought on by my own actions.
Every soft short finger on my hand represents a chance I had to take you and make you fall in love with me.
Even though the disappointment of losing someone who gave me a reason to live free has taken the wind out of my sails.
I will not ever lie and say that I did not see this boat sinking.
No matter how hard I try, I will never amount to shit.
Even less to amount to being someones lover.
I asked for one more chance three chances ago.
I asked to spend time with you, and you made the right choice to say no.
Cut the cancerous limb before it spreads further to every single room in your heart.
Because all four rooms in my heart are preoccupied by the furniture we could've picked out together.
Because no matter what you ever say, I will never give up on you or move on. No matter how masochistic or desperate that might seem.
You are the reason I sit up at night and want to end it all but at the same time never want to give up.
For as long as I live, I will never give up on you.
I have missed one chance at happiness. I do not want to miss it again.
I will never settle for anyone less.
I am not asking you to wait until I sort my miserable life out.
I am just asking you to live.
Be alive.
Breathe heavily.
So that I can hopefully come along and take those breaths away.
I love you with my whole existence.
I never showed it.
I never proved it.
I am nothing more than a stranger to love.
But this stranger loves you so much.
You exist but you are also missing in action in my life.
Yet you are never missing a beat. Never giving an inch.

No comments:

Post a Comment